Hi, my name is Drew, and two weeks ago I quit facebook and I feel great about it.
It was time. I had been a facebook member since my sophomore year of high school. I was introduced early by a friend’s cousin, and because I grew up in North Dakota, I became the fourth person in my high school to have a facebook account.
Slowly but surely, people I knew started getting facebook. Some of them were in college. They had pictures of them drinking and smoking hookah and were part of cool sounding groups that made references to Zoolander and Will Ferrell. Some of them were classmates who uploaded pictures of us at Homecoming and started poke wars with me.
Facebook was it, man. It was the end all, be all. The Holy Grail. Everything about me was on facebook, even my phone number and home address, because teenagers are dumb. Every movie quote and song lyric I liked, every book I ever read, all my favorite movies, and even my own group idolizing a blue bus were all on facebook.
But you all know this and you all did the exact same thing. I do not need to explain the greatness of facebook to you like you are my grandchildren sitting on my lap while I drink Old Milwaukee Light and talk about the old days. You are all aware of the power of facebook.
And that is why I had to leave.
To me, facebook was good for three things and bad for many, many more.
The good things:
- Knowing when it is someone’s birthday
- Keeping up with friends who live a long way away
- Pictures of girls who don’t have jobs and live on the beach/lake all summer
These three things were pretty easy to get over when I actually thought about it.
Most everyone I know that I am friends with on facebook is already 21 years old. When was the last time anyone got legitimately excited about turning another year older after 21? Never, and neither should you.
Keeping in touch with friends in other states is pretty easy considering the inventions of text messaging, gchat, skype, email, and phone calls. Will you miss out on seeing pictures of their family reunions? Sure, but you will live, even if they have a really cute cousin.
Pictures of girls wearing swimsuits can be easily replaced with other websites and the fact that you have to remind yourself that those girls graduated with your younger sister and that is weird.
I don’t need facebook for any of those things I thought were necessary and I certainly don’t need facebook to stalk a cute girl I met at a party, only to find out she listens exclusively to Top 40 radio and her favorite book is 50 Shades of Grey. I didn’t need help continuing to not find a girl I could be interested in. I can do that by myself, facebook.
As for the girls I was still interested in after a late night of drinking and clicking through 1,342 pictures, facebook was only good for me knowing waaayyyy too much about her family without even meeting them and to send a personal message at 3:11 in the morning about how she should listen to Odd Future and that black and white movies would be a lot better if they were shot in HD and would allow all the redheaded women to be in color.
Facebook, it was a nice run. Six years is a long time. Those six years with you were longer than anything I’ve ever spent time with. I appreciate what you are doing, and I hope you continue to bring people happiness and endless amounts of joy, but for now this is it.
Until I get drunk and reactivate my facebook in a month. Then I’ll go back to hating myself again.
Captain Yellow Shirt 